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(no subject) [Aug. 29th, 2009|11:30 am]
what-ho reading throng.

it's been a big week. in 4 weeks, i'm due to start a new job (about fucking time i may sagely add), and i'm pretty chuffed on that. even more so that it isn't similar to my old job. 4 weeks holiday with a bit of security of income at the end to enjoy. this all assumes the references come through of course...

saturday: walkthingy commenced. this one was up malvern way, with the worcestershire beacon, sugar loaf and north hill. enjoyed. always better to have good company too.

sunday: wasted 2 hours of my life watching the valencia grand prix. i've checked the stats - literally not a single overtaking move took place. also music quiz - which we won, and well done mark for the cat round. sensitive.

monday: curry night at caz & greg's in lieu of quiz. mighty gathering; good night had. no curry had of course by myself though. and the job news. which was nice.

tuesday: errmmm... dunno.

wednesday: day trip to stratford including a walk. highlight was probably duck feeding. cue childish glee. also the guided tour of the church with his grave in was utterly good.

thursday: properly managed an overhang in the wall climbing for the first time. i got down and said that they had clearly made it easier. sounded really self-deprecating, but they actually had put a new easier route up there. nonetheless, yay.

friday: millie's leaving doo at the tap and spile. she's off to work in barcelona; the girl's got balls, i'll say that much. her company will be missed by many, but good luck to her; i mean they do say you should live your life to regret things you did do rather than those they didn't. we'll see eh? also got back to downloading. "abide with me" by vic reeves in the style of the klf anyone?

how busy was that?

p.s. don't mention the diet. restarts monday. sshhhhhh...
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update [Jul. 1st, 2009|07:03 pm]
[Current Music |blue october - hate me]

probably due an update now i reckon, my occasional faithful friend LJ...

hopefully, i've stopped this being imported to facebook, but there's nothing which will offend anyone, just that it's worth some people not reading it and questioning me...

this very day last week, i ended it with Laura. i'd been mulling it for a while; i decided i had given it enough time. about 9 months in fact. i'm not capable of this stuff (certainly at the minute) and i had to end it because the longer we went on, the worse this moment would become. so i feel like a bastard at the minute, but i would have done anyway if i had stayed in the relationship, albeit in different ways. hopefully, we should remain friends, cos she's dead nice and she understands, and also well in with her friends. and i think i did it as well as i possibly could, and she took it better than i had feared. the question is whether i'm all doomed at this stuff really though.

so, i'm feeling a bit shitty and contemplative at the moment basically; that's the abridged version. and also the vague version - i'm good at vague...

but, as a quite regular theme in my life it has to be said, the big stuff is going badly and the small stuff well. the quiz at the cocks is now dire, now that it is "new and improved", so we've tried the pat kav's one; surreal and quirky are the words. the quizmaster doesn't know anything about the answers, but is genuine and affable as she goes. and the joker for a double points round has to be played before you know the subject, giving the quiz a pleasing jolt of randomness. time will tell, but an okay start...

and we may be moving house. it's better, but dearer. i was in two minds until the landlord reinforced the thought of what a twat he was over the whole oven affair, so i'm agreed now. in my world though, this comes lower than the quiz in order. strange maybe.

but the post-relationship blues, that's the theme. be gentle, people. but above all, just be...
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(no subject) [Jun. 18th, 2009|08:55 am]
so this is day one on weight watchers points. official. is gonna be a wee bit tricky, but long overdue i reckon. just thought i'd announce it, because then it's unavoidable eh?

and here's seeing if my computer will now work too. entire restart and now gonna put all my files back. this may take some time...
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a complicated night... [Apr. 28th, 2009|11:12 pm]
[Current Mood |varied]
[Current Music |art brut - i found this song in the road]

went to an art brut good tonight. really really liked it, as shambolic and energetic as ever, but that got a bit overshadowed. an old man was dying at the bus stop for the way home.

whatever happened had happened when i got there, and there were already a couple of people speaking calmly on telephones to the ambulance service on when it was due and what they should be doing (putting him in the right position, how many beats to do on his front etc. - thank god for mobile phones, imagine that without) as well as one comforting his wife, who just looked pale and numbed by it all. about six people doing good in all.

as i don't know first aid, i stayed back a bit. everyone was doing what needed doing, and an untrained stranger wandering in would hardly help (i did help to wave the ambulance in our direction at least). i felt impotent, and a tad ghoulish, as well as being reminded of the briefness of it all (i really don't need that at the moment...). at least i did better than the three twats who were around. one knew nothing, but was aggressively trying to be involved, trying to take over phones from people who were calmly carrying on. i can forgive that - he was at least good-intentioned. but the other two, two women sniping and bitching about 10 yards away, moaning about how he was dead and it was just pointless and a smere how for his wife, they made me angry. even if he had stopped breathing and pulsing blood, people were trying to revive him by instruction. at least i'm not them two. i can take solace in that.

the ambulances came, and i don't know how it turned out. i'll be thinking about this for a wee while i reckon; my thoughts aren't quite fully formed as yet. i do know i want to learn first aid though.
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(no subject) [Apr. 3rd, 2009|02:23 pm]
hello livejournal. long time no see. i suppose i’ve been unfaithful, being more interested in facebook, but hey, i’m clearly fickle. and i betrayed you...

the last few weeks have had a few things done in them i suppose. a couple of gigs (actaully quite underwhelming ones – especially expected more from richard herring. didn’t even try to build up any rapport with the audience – weird for a bloke who’s been in comedy for quite so long). bowling. a stag weekend; surprisingly the first i’ve ever been on, as i’ve had to turn down a couple. go karting is great btw.

but anyway, i digress… i’m trying to work out how to do my birthday thingy. i’m calling it my belated 30th as i failed to properly organise it last year. now i reckon the best nights i generally have now are at people’s houses not out, so i’d fancy that… except our flat wouldn’t really fit much more than 10 people, and ideally, i’d invite a fair few more people than that. seemes insoluble maybe? anyway, it’s the 30th may and i’ll be inviting via facebook innit. but tricky.

and my walking has re-started. dave suggested this could become a group activity – anyone interested in popping along sometimes? i’m thinking sunday could be clent or somewhere maybe if the weather’s okay.

and i want to thank the bbc - stewart lee, newswipe and especially the wondrous "japan: a story of love and hate" have really enlightened my week (seriously, watch the last one - you'll thank me). they hide them away sometimes, but they do keep making gems which justify their existence. and fill time for someone who needs it.

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the usual witterings... [Feb. 3rd, 2009|12:04 am]
[Current Location |only place i ever post...]
[Current Mood |tiredtired]
[Current Music |nine inch nails - reptile]

so, it's been about a month. some kind of post is probably in order. yeah, the normal introspective, navel-gazing rubbish.

still haven't found a job. it's actually starting to get me down now - knowing that every penny i spend is just gradually wasting all the money i've earned getting stressed and pissed off for years. if someone promised me 6 months off with no pay and a guaranteed job at the end, i'd ponder long and hard and enjoy the predicament of choice. but it's all that uncertainty, and every time i watch the news depresses me more and more as the true reality hits home. it took a while, but even idiots twig in the end. anyway, enough...

relationship? still got it. complicated little me though eh - still sure i'll screw it all up in the end, and a rough idea how. tangent follows: i reckon it's not that rich people have no problems, it's that it makes those problems that bit easier; i reckon relationships make a pretty good analogy with that. but i now realise this ain't toying about at the fringes now - if i'm a twat, even a well-meaning one, it's gonna mess with someone's head, and that's hard. but i'm happy it's still going. and thank you.

social life. still improving, so wahay. and i've been to housewarmings, a few birthdays, films, organised gig visits, shit like that. even meeting up without a purpose or reason. cracking. i now use a diary and everything.

rightio. i have noticed the world around me by the way; i don't just think about me or anything even if these make it look like it. if i posted more regularly, i reckon it'd look like the real me a wee bit more. and help me remeber what the hell i've been doing. and if you have read to the end of this, you do know you'll never get those minutes back don't you?

p.s. if anyone's got a job going they know about...

p.p.s. SNOW!!! EVERYWHERE!!!
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get yer crystal balls out [Jan. 1st, 2009|11:41 pm]
[Current Music |charlotte hatherley - siberia]

so. end of a year, start of a different one. shocking i know.

what i normally do is list out what targets what i should want to wallop next year. and i’m going to do it again whether anyone cares or not. it’s more for therapy than for the diseminating (sic?) of the information so neerrrr.

make more friends: succeeded last year. seriously succeeded. surprising how well making an effort works. try to keep the ones i’ve grown and get closer to fringey people i reckon. that’s probably more important than making new ones to be honest, cos i done good. but what really underpins this stuff is that you get that little sniff of confidence…

relationship: i got one. ain’t no shit you mothers.

social life: see above really. more friends = more stuff. depending on money, i’d like to go on holiday abroad maybe, and go to a festival cos i haven’t for a couple of years. and alton towers again – like that i do

job: yeah. here’s the tricky bit. i wanted a change, but this isn’t the best of times to be doing it. as it turns out though, i’m looking. can’t really afford to end up wrong again – whilst i haven’t got forever here, i need to be right more than quick. but bad shit is going down…

health: eat less, walk more, give up alcohol for january (after saturday). in a few months i want to be around 14 or 14 ½ stone. bring on the lettuces…

think that’s it. or at least the stuff i’m willing to put out there - there's other stuff obviously. pick up a leaflet and find out more.
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not cockney yet but... [Dec. 10th, 2008|09:32 pm]
[Current Location |blighty]
[Current Mood |chipperchipper]
[Current Music |david devant - ballroom]

a few bits about my trip to london seem in order:

i went down there to see the mighty band "david devant and his spirit wife". i can almost hear you all gasping in envy...

they were both as shambolic and as great as i could have expected. middle-aged men delighted to find folk still interested before they go back to work tomorrow. i'm hoarse from singing along to "i'm not even going to try". i liked singing happy birthday to the Vessel, the lead singer - who wandered about in the crowd beforehand with lightning painted on his face (noone even spoke to him - how british...), but then he wasn't in his catsuit, cape and beehive hair yet i suppose.

other stuff done - tate modern, science museum, met ali's sister and giant mate, drinking in a great little gay bar called CandyBar, much inane chatting, good support band called "Brontosaurus Chorus", and trying to convert ali to Ivor Cutler. good break had, and needed too. might have an encore one time.

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even i don't read posts this long... [Nov. 20th, 2008|10:48 pm]
[Current Mood |contemplativecontemplative]
[Current Music |mr solo - distant stars (know that alison?)]

Ello world

I'd cut this for folk if i'd remember how to...

Every now and again i like to write a little summary of my "stuff". Is a good catch-all desciption i think. Although with several areas of the psyche and leanings, different people know different amounts of stuff, so it's never the whole story...

Job -
I've spent seven years doing a job i now know i feel added nothing of value to the world or people or anything. So to be made unemployed was stressy but a blessed relief deep down. I'm determined to do something that makes me feel happy with myself, so my dismal failing at an interview today for a similar post should feel okay. But i'm stressy about how to make ends meet in a while and finding that right thing. I'm 30 now and i need the right decision, but i've always been directionless and i still am. So, manky but harshly necessary i reckon.

Friends -
I has done good this year. Got loads more, got proper social life (imagine that a year ago...), actually i've got a far busier social life than i can probably afford given the job stuff. And a wee bit more confidence as a result. Getting there...

Relationships -
I has girlfriend. Genuinely. But that's tricky too - if you know me well enough, you'll probably know part of why. But yeah, confidence and doubt all stirred up in a pot. She's dead cool too though. We'll see eh? But we've been going properly for a month now. Fingers crossed.

That apart, anyone know good ways to lose weight for people who can't really cope with vigorous exercise? Needs seeing to that.

Cheers peeps.

p.s. I read this over, and i'm cheerier than this post looks by the way. I meant to sound pensive instead of miserable - i need to write better...
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(no subject) [Oct. 16th, 2008|07:36 pm]
it's just shit isn't it?
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